Simon & Garfunkel, Jesus and Sex - a surprising conversation with my 8 year old son

On a drive back from Buffalo to Toronto last week, with only myself and my 8 year old in the car, I put on a "Simon and Garfunkel" disc as part of his 'music appreciation education'. (He can already identify Blues as a genre, Beetles, Queen, some U2 and 'Stairway to Heaven'. I thought it was time he become familiar with the great music of two nice Jewish boys, named Simon and Art).  

The first song on this timeless collection was "Mrs, Robinson".

For those not familiar with this rock classic (shame on you!) the opening lyrics are:

"And here's to you Mrs. Robinson;Jesus loves you more than you will know (wo wo wo)".

Upon hearing this line, the following quite long and extremely important conversation ensued between my son and me:

Matanel: "Abba, who's Jesus?"

Me: "He was a Jewish guy who lived a very long time ago. Do you remember that we learnt about Avaraham Avinu and how when he was a kid everyone believed that statues had powers and that they were gods? well Christians think that Jesus, who was a man, had powers and was a God. What do you think, does that make sense?"

Matanel: "No, not really"

Me: "Remember the story of how Avraham smashed all the statues and put the stick in the hands of the big statue and told his father that the big statue did it and that his father got angry because the statue is just a statue? what did Avraham answer him?"

Matanel: "That if the statue can't smash the other statues how can you believe he is God".

Me: "That's right. So it's the same thing with Jesus. Just like the statue was made by someone else and is just a statue so he can't be God, also man was made from something and came from his parents and can't be God"

Matanel (laughing): "That makes sense".

Me: "Think about it. If he's a 'man' then he's a 'man' and if he's 'God' - then he's 'God'. Saying 'man' is 'God' would be like saying a dog is a fish (Matanel laughing hysterically). If I tell you that this dog is a fish, that means that either it's not a fish or it's not a dog. It can't be both, can it?"

Matanel: "Well, it can be both if you're speaking in both languages..." (the Hebrew word דג, which means fish sounds exactly like the English word dog)

Me (laughing): "Well, I guess, but you know what I mean. Let's say I say a dog is a cat - it's either a cat that I'm calling a dog, or a dog that I'm calling a cat. IT can't be both, right?"

Matanel: "Well, what if a dog and cat get married, wouldn't their baby be both?"

Me: "Wow, good question. From what I know, when 2 animals from different species have babies, the babies can't survive and they die".

Matanel: "Ah. Abba - do animals get married?"

Me: "Not really".

Matanel: "So how do they have kids?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Matanel: "I have a different question. When people tell me I got my green eyes from you and Savta, or that I 'got my height from my uncles', how did I 'get them' from you?"

Me: "Do you know how you can save letters and pictures on the computer at home?" 

Matanel: "You mean it's saved in the memory?"

Me: "Yes, exactly. So there's something in our bodies called 'cells'..."

Matanel: "Abba, I know what cells are!"

Me: "Oh, OK. Sorry. Well, cells have in them something called DNA that remembers all the things about our bodies - our height, the color of our eyes and hair and a lot, a lot of other things...

Matanel: "So I have your DNA and that's why I'm like you?"

Me: "Yes but you also have Ema's DNA"

Matanel: "Because I was in her Tummy?"

Me: "Ya, kind of"

Matanel: "But how did I get your DNA?"

Me: "Well, just like you can send someone an e-mail with letters and pictures that are kept in the memory of your computer, I sent my DNA, that has all the information about my body, into Ema's tummy"

Matanel: "How did you send it to her? I mean, how did she get it from you? is it because you got married?"

Me: "Ah, I understand your question now. So no, not exactly because we got married. Think about it - you weren't born right after Ema and I got married, right? only seven years later"

Matanel: "Ya. So how did you send your DNA to Ema?" 

Me: "You know how when you see a man and a women kissing and you don't like looking because it's very private?

Matanel (laughing) :"Ya"

Me: "So, there is something else that Abbas and Emas do and that's how I send my DNA to Ema. It's not from kissing - if someone ever tells you it's from kissing, they don't know what they're talking about - but it's from something like kissing that Emas and Abbas do but it's more than kissing. It's more special and more private than kissing. It's like kissing, but more."

Matanel: (says nothing. Seems to be thinking about this)

Me: "Do you want to hear more about this now or continue talking about it at a different time when you feel ready?"

Matanel: "Let's continue a different time"

Me: "OK. I really like talking to you about these things. Let me know whenever you want to continue talking about it". 

Matanel: "OK. Me too. Can I play on your phone now?"

Me: "Sure". 

This Shabbat afternoong, Matanel asked me "if we could continue the DNA conversation". I said I'd love to but we should wait until we can speak about it in quiet, without his younger brothers around to bother us.

Pointers to self for the continued conversation:

1. My kid is awesome. Thank you Hahsem for granting me such a special boy!

2. Make sure to continue letting him lead the conversation. Make sure I'm giving him the information he's asking about and not giving him information he's not actually asking about or ready for. There's plenty of time. 

3. Don't make a big deal out of either topic (God or Sex). He should continue to feel it is just like any other area in life, not something to get super excited, anxious or embarrassed about. 

4. What Simon and Garfunkel song should I have him listen to next...?

How institutionalized prayer can rob you of your connection to God

Synagogues, as an institution of prayer, aren't an authentic part of Judaism. Before the Temple was destroyed, there was no institutionalized prayer; no set language, no time constraints, no need for a quorum. A person got up in the morning, saw the rising sun, felt the falling rain and burst into a spontaneous prayer of thanks, praise or request. Prayer was the most direct and personal way for a Jew to express his relationship with God. 

So how did we get to what someone defined for me as: "Why do I pray to a God I can't see in a language I don't understand for things I don't need?"

When the 2nd temple was destroyed that included the cancellation of the "Tamid" ("always") sacrifices; the twice brought daily sacrifice was an expression of devotion by the entire nation which, naturally, was performed by their representatives- the priests- in the communal place of devotion- the temple.

When it was destroyed, so was the peoples' ability - as a community - to express and manifest their relationship with God.

This is when prayer- as we know it today- was instituted. That is why we do it as a community. That is why the heart of prayer – Amida, the silent prayer – is worded in the plural and the requests are for communal needs.

So, there are 2 distinct concepts of prayer in Judaism:

1. Personal expression of one's relationship with Hashem 

2. Representing the communal needs of the Jewish people

Over time, people have completely substituted the first with the second and have lost the ability, and possibly the inclination, of having a relationship with God as individuals and not exclusively through their association with the congregation.

Of course institutionalized prayer is still very important, just don't let it rob you of of speaking to God whenever, wherever and however you want. Think of it this way – instead of using "thank God" in conversation with other people - try it in a conversation with Him. You may be surprised with the results. (250+)

People don't follow Halacha because of God

Ask any 3 observant people what they mean when they say "God" and you'll get 3 different answers. Even so, they're all leading observant lives. This leads me to understand that it is not theology that causes people to follow Halacha. All theology – Jewish, non Jewish, different streams within Judaism – can be understood and logically defended. Meaning, it is something else that causes people to follow Halacha and that is that they choose to take upon themselves a certain way of life for all kinds of reasons: they want to be part of a generational continuum, it fills their lives with direction, it's what they're familiar with, they don't want to get smote by lightning, they want to be told what to do, they want to be part of a community, or whatever. The important thing in this idea is that it is all a choice. That becomes even truer in today's day and age when people have the ability to choose what they want, when they want, how they want with little consequence other than the choice itself. And all these myriad of choices make up the phenomena which is The Jewish People which seems to be the point of it all. The only question is – to what degree do I choose to participate and take part. (218)